Meeting the Six Human Needs as a Parent
Whether you're an expecting parent, a birth mother, a father, a foster parent, an adoptive parent, a step-parent—or simply a tired parent... being a mum or a dad is an exciting part of this crazy ride we call life!
It can be hard to articulate the emotions that come with looking after this wee person—or wee people, if you have multiple kids—and it can certainly feel like a rollercoaster!
I know, I’m on the parenting train too. My son was born in 2017 and I still find myself in awe of how much love I feel for this little dude (which, at times, has him squirming away from me as I try to snuggle him and sniff his wee head like I did when he was a baby). But let’s be honest: navigating this role—whilst amazing—can bring a fair bit of overwhelm, right?
Expectations we place on ourselves as parents (alongside the expectations we place on others and the roles they play) can really impact the dynamics within your household. It’s common to lose focus on your own needs as you immerse yourself in caring for your little one(s). And let’s not even get started on the endless ways you can compare yourself with others online! It can all feel pretty overwhelming, can’t it?
So, what can you do about it?
Don’t worry—I’ve got you. No sugar-coating, no scaremongering! Just some tried-and-tested tips and tools to accompany you on your parenting rollercoaster ride.
All of these are based on the brilliant concept that we each have Six Human Needs: Certainty, Variety, Significance, Love and Connection, Growth, and Contribution.
Understanding these needs can help you build a foundation that supports your wellbeing—and your family’s. It can bring more clarity, organisation, and joy into your everyday life. And let’s face it, we could all do with more of that... am I right?
So here we go… ready?
1. Certainty
Get organised. As a family, create a weekly schedule to manage the day-to-day tasks. Discuss who does what, and consider whether external resources (like a cleaner or meal delivery service) could lighten the load for a while.
Create meal plans or order some if feasible—freeing up the brain space normally taken up by the eternal question: ‘What’s for dinner?’ Arrgghhhh!
Establishing supportive habits and routines helps meet the need for Certainty. But remember: these routines need to be baggy enough to live in! I go for an 80/20 approach—otherwise, you risk getting stuck trying to maintain an unrealistic standard. You need wiggle room, OK?
2. Variety
Parenting—especially in the early days—can feel a bit isolating. You might also be navigating big life changes, such as no longer working or shifting routines.
Now that you're here reading this, take it as an invitation to explore new routines or meet new people. Try attending local groups, classes or community events. Make a list of things you’d like to do, places to visit, food to try.
Beware the pressure to ‘bounce back’ to your pre-baby life. Instead, welcome the idea of evolving.
3. Significance
If you’re no longer working or engaging in your old routines, you might start to feel less significant. Friends and family may now focus more on the cutie-patootie you’ve introduced into their lives—and less on you.
Keep communication open with your loved ones to ensure you feel seen and heard. If this feels tough, consider reaching out to a coach, therapist or counsellor for a safe space to share how you're feeling. (In my humble opinion, we should normalise having these people in our lives—just like we do hairdressers, doctors and dentists.)
4. Love and Connection
We often hear about the importance of ‘date night’ to maintain connection with your partner. While that’s valuable, I want to emphasise the importance of also loving and connecting with yourself.
Engage in a little personal development. Make sure your days include things that energise you, bring you joy, or offer a sense of calm. That way, you’ll have the capacity to share yourself with others more meaningfully.
This goes for dads too! For all you couples: remember, it’s not a competition over who’s more tired or doing more. Those sneaky little narratives can creep in. You’re a team. Keep talking!
5. Growth
As you busy yourself caring for your wee gang member(s), don’t forget to stimulate your own mind.
Parenting is emotionally, mentally, and physically demanding—but not often academically (unless you’re helping with homework… and can I just say, who decided to change how we do maths?!).
It’s easy to neglect your own intellectual growth. Make time to read, study, listen to podcasts, or enjoy music you love. Even 10 minutes a day counts. Use that grey matter!
6. Contribution
This one? You’ve already nailed it. You're raising the next generation, for crying out loud! Contributing to humanity? Tick.
But if you feel this need still isn't being met, why not volunteer, donate to a worthy cause, or share a skill with someone? (If you're a whizz on social media, for instance, give a mate some tips for their small business.)
So, my lovely new friend, I hope this helps you understand that—just like a jigsaw—it takes many small pieces to create a full and beautiful picture.
There are countless ways to navigate feelings of overwhelm, but the Six Human Needs framework is a brilliant place to start.
This isn't about removing the challenges. It’s about having a toolkit to rely on when the challenges start kicking your butt!
Be kind to yourself. Never feel like you must resist the emotions that come with being human—never mind being a parent! We’re often bombarded with messages like ‘just think positively’ or ‘be grateful for what you have’, but these can diminish what our emotions are really telling us.
Instead of fearing them, get curious. You might just discover that a particular need isn’t being met—and a little attention in the right place could make a world of difference.
Here for you,
Nikki x
Nikki is a Scottish lassie married to an American guy, with a Montenegrin rescue dog and a wee boy with a huge personality. Nikki’s journey to becoming a coach, speaker and course creator has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows: relocations, postpartum depression, running her own businesses, and navigating the challenges of a transient lifestyle. Becoming a mum was Nikki’s catalyst for change—and it’s now her passion and purpose to share what she’s learned with others. www.thescottishsoulsister.com