Parenting Toddlers Through Divorce or Separation

By Family Law Solicitor, Siobhan Vegh

Relationship breakdowns are rarely easy, and when young children are involved, the process can be even more challenging. However, children are remarkably resilient, and they often thrive better with happy, separated parents than with unhappy, together parents.

That said, making child arrangements post-separation can be an emotional and complex process. Each family’s situation is unique, and parents must find an approach that works best for them. While some manage to reach agreements amicably, others may require legal support.

Legal Support and Child Welfare

The law prioritises the wellbeing of the child in separation matters, regardless of whether parents were married, in a civil partnership, or cohabiting. Although cohabiting couples do not have the same financial rights as married couples, they can still apply for child-related legal matters, such as child arrangements orders or support through the Child Maintenance Service.

Where possible, parents should aim to reach agreements independently and document them in a parenting plan—a flexible, non-legally binding document that outlines arrangements for the child. A sample parenting plan is available on the Cafcass website, a specialist service that advises family courts on children's welfare. If agreements cannot be reached, a child arrangements order, which is legally enforceable, may be necessary.

Tips for Separated Parents of Toddlers

To help navigate co-parenting effectively, consider the following:

* Maintain consistency and routine – Stability is crucial for young children. Try to keep mealtimes, bedtimes, nursery schedules, and other daily routines as predictable as possible.

* Provide age-appropriate information – While honesty is important, young children do not need to know every detail about the separation. Keep explanations simple to avoid confusion.

* Avoid negative talk about the other parent – Criticising your ex in front of your child can cause emotional distress and confusion. Focus on maintaining a respectful co-parenting relationship.

* Create a parenting plan – This document helps parents agree on arrangements and adapt them as the child’s needs evolve.

* Develop transition strategies – Moving between two homes can be difficult for a toddler. Ensuring that both homes have familiar comforts, such as favourite toys, can make the transition smoother.

* Use a parenting app or shared calendar – Tools like OurFamilyWizard facilitate communication and help manage schedules efficiently.

* Offer positive reinforcement – Regularly reassure your child that they are loved and supported by both parents, regardless of the separation.

Seeking Professional Support

If you find co-parenting difficult, professional support is available. Mediation can help resolve disagreements amicably, while family lawyers, child psychologists, divorce coaches, and mediators can provide guidance tailored to your situation.

Siobhan Vegh is a full-time working mother to a 16-month-old daughter and a family law solicitor at Stowe Family Law.