Meltdowns vs Tantrums
By Miranda de Freston, founder of Happy Confident Kids
How to Recognise and Handle Your Child's Meltdowns.
“I remember visiting playgroups with my son when he was little, no one spoke about their child kicking or breaking things. I felt like I was the only one, who felt on edge at the prospect of going on any outings, in case my child erupted over having the wrong type of bread for their sandwich. I felt embarrassed. I now know that many parents experience children having meltdowns and tantrums. You are not alone.” Laura, Kids’ Coach and Trainer
Parenting is a rollercoaster ride filled with joy, frustration, and everything in between. One common challenge is dealing with meltdowns. This guide will help you understand the difference between tantrums and meltdowns with tips for calming both you and your child.
Understanding Meltdowns vs. Tantrums
* Tantrums: Tantrums are deliberate attempts by a child to get something they want or to avoid something they don't. They often involve crying or throwing themselves on the floor.
* Meltdowns: Meltdowns are overwhelming sensory or emotional experiences that young children can't control. They might cry, scream, or lash out due to hunger, tiredness, frustration, or feeling unsafe.
The Key Difference: Meltdowns are involuntary reactions, while tantrums are attempts to control a situation. Recognising this can help you manage your expectations and choose the most helpful response.
Spotting the Signs
Meltdowns may seem sudden, and we often hear parents say, “It just came out of nowhere,” but there are often warning signs. These can include:
* Physical: Increased hunger, thirst, fatigue
* Behavioural: Clinginess, withdrawal, irritability
By recognising these signs, you can help prevent meltdowns. Offer healthy snacks, establish routines, and create a calming environment.
Calming a Meltdown
When a meltdown happens there are lots of things you can do to help a child resolve them:
* Show Calm: Children feed off the emotions of those around them, so not joining them in their emotional state can be really impactful. Take deep breaths which will help you to be the calm anchor that they need, and will also show your child how they can access calm.
* Reassurance: Let your child know you are there for them and that they are safe. A hug or simply being present can help.
* Create a Safe Space: If possible, remove distractions and find a quiet place for your child to access calm.
After the Meltdown
* Talk it Out: Once your child is calm, have a gentle conversation about what happened. Help them identify their triggers and highlight what helped them to access calm
Remember
* Be Kind to Yourself: Parenting can be challenging at times. If you lose your cool, forgive yourself, be ok with saying sorry. Reflect on the situation so you can take a different approach next time.
* Seek Help: If meltdowns are frequent or severe, there may be other reasons. For example a child might be neurodivergent e.g. autistic. You can call your GP for support as a first step.
Miranda de Freston is the founder of Happy Confident Kids. For more tips and advice, and to learn about their Meltdown Masterclass, visit www.happyconfidentkids.com/meltdowns.