6 Parenting Lessons for Family Wellness & Wellbeing This Summer

School’s out for Summer and whilst they offer a chance to relax and recharge, it can also be a difficult time for families. Children are social animals and if all that interaction from school is suddenly lost for two major reasons (boredom/lack of stimulation and the loss of those contacts) it can feel like a major life transition.

Mental health expert Noel McDermott comments: “School is similar to home in psychological terms so what your kids are losing for the summer is their other psychological ‘family’. School relationships fit into the category of tertiary attachments in attachments theory. Understanding this and the role of transition work can help with both the move into summer holidays and the subsequent move back into school”.

Lesson 1 - Maintain school friendships in the holidays

The first lesson to take on board is don’t just stop the school relationships. If you are planning family holidays, then give it a couple of weeks if possible before you go away and for those first few weeks ease your child into the new family normal by maintaining time with school friends. Let their friends stay over and organise events in your home and get together with the parents of their friends for your kid to visit etc. Most will naturally do this anyway but it’s worth understanding how this contributes to making any family holidays more likely to be successful by reducing the shock of the transition from school to family life. Imagine if you have to suddenly move home or job and you don’t have much say in it then maybe you can understand how disconcerting psychologically all this might be.

Lesson 2 - Involve the children in Summer planning!

As well as giving at least a couple of weeks to settle into the new holiday state of mind, try to reduce the shock by involving your kids in the planning of the summer. The more we feel we are making choices around life changes the more we cope better with them. When planning family events try to bear in mind key health and wellbeing issues that will contribute to everyone having more fun. We are designed as social animals to thrive under certain types of conditions and structures.

Lesson 3 - Kids need regularity and predictability

This is especially important around meals and sleep. Don't be tempted to mess too much with timings. The way we, and especially kids, communicate psychological distress is before it is put into words, we see disturbances to appetite and sleep. Conversely if we mess with the routines around this we will create psychological distress. It’s an easy win. Also, you still need your own adult time as a parent! Get them off to bed! Having nothing planned all week is anxiety provoking if we are used to having a full diary of events (lessons) mapped out for us. So get the diary full

Lesson 4 - Get outdoors!

Nature is the easiest and quickest way to happiness and strong relationships. We have inbuilt automated responses to nature that leads to a greater sense of connection, reduction and stress and greater sense of wellbeing when out in natural environments. Any and all opportunities to get out and about in the garden, park, countryside, seaside, mountains etc are to be welcomed. If you have a garden, why would you have any meal inside during summer unless the weather forces it? Make outdoors your default.

Lesson 5 - Balance active with passive

Rough and tumble play with children serves an important developmental need in that it teaches how to regulate emotionally when interacting with others around stimulation. Rough and tumble when presented as a chart looks like a bell curve, with a climatic peak followed by a relatively rapid deceleration and drop to non-stimulation. Whilst it is learned through early play it becomes so much part of our development that it could be argued to be almost autonomic. It’s available as a model for all activities with your kids. One to bear in mind. Simply put, when thinking about activities, think about breaking them down into their bell curves of stimulation and trough. This will help your kids self regulate better.

Lesson 6 - Embrace downtime in the day

One of the best things about family times is cuddling together - either literally or just being in the same space - making time on the sofa to watch a movie or two. Kids want time from mum and dad more than anything.

Mental health expert Noel McDermott is a psychotherapist and dramatherapist with over 30 years’ work within the health, social care, education, and criminal justice fields. His company Mental Health Works provides unique mental health services for the public and other organisations. Mental Health Works offers in situ health care and will source, identify and coordinate personalised teams to meet your needs.